Reader has her Own Grandma who Butts In

Dear Grandma,

How should I handle an interfering grandma who is always telling me that the way I am raising my children is wrong just because it is different than she raised hers? It’s a touchy subject around our home when dear hubby’s Mom comes to visit or makes her thrice weekly phone call to monitor how we are raising her grandbabies. She believes in spanking, and I don’t. She wants me to let them eat whatever they want while I insist on balanced healthy meals and a minimum of snacks. Help please.

Mom who doesn’t spank.

Dear Mom who Doesn’t Spank,

Every mom has a right to raise her children in her own way and to enjoy her family without being judged as long as everyone is safe, healthy and happy.

Grandma has lived a long time, and has seen that generations of women have problems in this area. There are as many reasons for the family problem as there are types of people.

While this Grandma believes that anyone who thinks a child in danger has a responsibility to speak up, Grandma doesn’t think this is a problem in your case.

Some moms never let their children grow up and live their own lives. They have to be told when they’re interfering.

Some women just need to grow a tougher skin.

Others need to be honest and communicate their feelings better.

Does grandma really interfere, or are you susceptible to take every comment as a judgment?

Have you tried letting grandma know how you feel when she makes her comments?

Is it possible that Grandma is lonely and calls three times a week so that she can stay in touch with her family?

Is it possible that you second guess a lot of your decisions and see a judgment in any comment or question about your parenting skills? The decision about spanking and meals is healthy and fair. This Grandma can’t see why you just can’t firmly tell your mother-in-law that this is what you and your husband have decided on and let any other comments echo harmlessly.

Being a mother is hard. So is being a mother-in-law, daughter or daughter-in-law. Grandma thinks that all of these women share a common bond. They all want the kids to be happy. They also don't want their own parenting skills to be judged. For the sake of the children, open the lines of communication. Honest communication. The kids can pick up on the tension.

If you really think that you’re not overdramatizing the situation and that grandma is interfering, it’s up to you to talk to your mother-in-law. Do it calmly, and do it soon.