Is my Girlfriend Cyber Flirting?

Dear Grandma,

I’m sure you probably don’t hear from a lot of men, but I need some help. My girlfriend and I live together and she spends all of her time when she’s not working chatting with people online. She’s very secretive and will either close her laptop or turn it when I walk behind her. I don’t know if she’s just playing games online like she says or is maybe flirting or more with some of the people she’s met through these games. How can I find out?

Gaming Victim

Dear Gaming Victim,

You didn’t mention why you don’t believe her claim of playing online games. You also don’t give a hint to why you suspect that she is flirting. Grandma doesn’t know if you have a reason to not trust the woman you are sharing a life with or if you’re just controlling or paranoid.

Have you tried discussing your concerns directly and honestly with her? In my opinion that’s the best way to find out something about someone. If this basic concept hasn’t occurred to you and you’re looking for other ways to find out about your girlfriend’s private activities, it’s no wonder she turns the laptop away from your prying gaze when you enter the room.

Back in Grandma’s Day we had extension phones. Do you remember those? If so, did you listen in on other peoples conversations? I hope not. If you didn’t, why do you think it’s okay to pry into your girlfriends social contacts now?

I would suggest that you calmly let your girlfriend know that you are curious about her online activity. Tell her why you feel threatened by her actions that seem to protect her privacy. It may just come down to the simple need of communicating with someone. In that case, maybe you could make yourself available so she has someone to talk to face to face outside of work and she won’t feel the need to spend so much time chatting online.

If her answers aren’t good enough for you, maybe you want to rethink this ‘trusting’ relationship and discuss where it is going with your girlfriend. Especially since you feel that you’re a victim, as you indicated by the way you signed your letter.

Grandma doesn’t think people should live in situations where they feel like the victim. But, there are people who feel like victims in every area of their lives. Grandma isn’t equipped to help the perpetual victim, but, instead urges professional counseling.

But in your case, Grandma thinks some open and honest communication and respect will solve the problem.